Darth Vader’s Guide to Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is two days away! I’m just a tad excited because this year is my first real Mother’s Day. (No offense, Artie, but it’s more fun to carry you outside of my body.) I’m looking forward to relaxing – sleeping in all by myself (9 am, here we come!), not cooking anything, and hopefully taking full advantage of the gorgeous weather we’re supposed to have.

You know who isn’t so big on Mother’s Day though? 

Darth Vader.

darth vader's guide to mother's day

It’s kind of hard to blame the guy – after all, he doesn’t have a lot of good karma when it comes to moms. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from everyone’s favorite Sith Lord, so with that in mind I present:

Darth Vader’s Guide to Mother’s Day

  1. If Jedi Knights come to save you from slavery, figure out a way to take Mom with you. That desert climate is HELL on her skin.
  2. Don’t ignore nightmares that your mom is in trouble – blow up her phone or fly to her planet to make sure she’s okay.
  3. Stay by your mother’s side until the last moment. You’re what keeps her going.
  4. Don’t Force choke your wife when she’s carrying your child(ren), even if you do think she’s conspiring with your best friend. 
  5. If, as the surviving parent you are both father and mother to your children, don’t try luring them to the Dark Side. Unless you really do have cookies. And you don’t.

Then again, maybe Darth Vader isn’t the best person to give out Mother’s Day advice.

I hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day, whether it’s your first or your fiftieth or you aren’t a mother, just celebrating yours.